I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
