thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
