god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
