my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
