Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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