he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
