And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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