The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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