i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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