I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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