I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
one two three fourrrrnication!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
