We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
soo... how was my night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
