Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
