So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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