i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
