Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
