did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
