Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
