Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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