im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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