last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
