wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
