sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
