I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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