awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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