i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
