I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
