what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
