I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
