I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
