My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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