So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
