You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
