dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
