just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dicks are not precious.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
