There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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