don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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