Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
