peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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