I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
