yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
