he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
