I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
