We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
