I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
how does that bad decision feel?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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