That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
