oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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