Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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