If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
