all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
